“We have to go back to the optimist this weekend to pickup your new glasses.”

Waiter brings the check and 8 small mint candies for me and my GF.

Me: He gave me 6 mints. Wtf?
GF: You look like you love sugar, it’s your fault.

“It looks like you ate a lot in London.”
— After coming back from a week-long business trip.
  • I bought a beanbag with the colors of my country. World cup stuff. Sadly, it looked like shit.
  • Me: Look at it! Damn This is the ugliest thing in the room.
  • GF: You are the ugliest thing in this room. In all rooms.
“I was into handsome boys before.”
— Talking about her life before meeting me.

*eating at a very nice restaurant, one of my favorites*

Chef, standing next to our table: This is a roasted portobello mushroom served with buttered rice and crispy parma ham, and with a bit of white truff-

*GF tries*

GF: This tastes like microwave food.

*Invited my boss over, for dinner at my home*

Me: The next quarter is gonna be very interesting. Many positive changes are lined up.
Boss: Absolutely.

GF (bored): My period was late 2 months ago.
Boss: ?
Me: *wtf face*

GF: I thought that was interesting.

*on exchanging money on the sidewalk*

GF: I think that is muffin business.
Me: What?

GF: Chinese Muffin.
Me: You mean… Mafia?

GF: Yes. That.

GF: This Friday night is my friend’s birthday.

Me: Ah. Umm, is it ok if I stay home?

GF: Of course. You are not invited. They don’t like you.